LINDA'S TOP 10 MOST FAMOUS

SAYINGS:


"Be a clown for your man, but never

ever be a fool for him...or if you are actually a Clown, don't hang around on street corners at night, it won't go well in the long term..."


"You can live without flattery, but never with a man who never gives it.."


"Do I love my husband? Every day and every night baby..until his recent back trouble..."


"My first love was a Policeman. But we never used handcuffs because he felt as if he was never away from work.."


"David Beckham? I wouldn't kick him out of bed, but only because  he would probably kick me into an Argentine net.."


"Keep your  make up tidy, put your best foot forward, and keep your hand on the wheel...this is the best way to pass a driving test..that and a few quid on the hip"


"I tried monogamy once, but I found it too dark with the front room wallpaper.."


"Oi! Barman..can you taper that down a little...theres far too much bitter lemon in  that..."


"Never drink alone, always use it to pay off a credit card debt..."


"Even Steven was a heathen..."


WELCOME TO LUSCIOUS LINDA'S LOVE TIPS PAGE

Happy at last with the man I love. Well, one of them, anyway, at the moment.

I'm content, and 100% confident in my love for this man, and that fact that these are the whitest teeth either of us has ever had.

Keep Smiling Girl, even when you're crying inside..just watch out for the nutter behind you..go with it he looks dangerous.

Role playing keeps our marriage full of fun and vitality...be prepared to let yourself go. One of our favourites is Stan and Hilda.

.."Hi I'm Linda

and I'm here to help

with any Gentlemen or Lady problems."

I'm fed up with this Mr. Nice Doc routine."Want my advice?...It'll cost ya, ya Mug!

Copyright © The Stanhope Arms   All Rights Reserved www.the-stanhope-arms.co.uk

Linda is a Driving Instructor living in the sleepy hamlet of Brasted, in Kent. At 41 (Please check? - Ed.) She's seen a lot of heartache and frustration, including getting hoodwinked into a badly scripted, and ultimately career changing TV advert with Anna Karen (AKA Olive from On the Buses) before roaring back up and starring in that best loved of them all ITV series "My Uncle's a Jackass" She put showbiz behind her in the early 80's to concentrate on her relationship with one time East End villain Ronnie 'Knees Knocker' Daghart, until he spent all her hard earned cash on an unsuccesful attempt to get Nick Berry into Coronation Street before he realised Nick was a cockney lad, and the accent would've been all wrong. Linda was stunned to find she'd been betrayed by the ex- gangland hard man, and swore she'd never love again. However, missing the company of a well endowed trouser pocket after a period of, say 2-3 weeks, she was engaged again to old pub Rocker, mr. nobody,  Jamie Gang who very shortly after theirv marriage, left her broken hearted, running off with a young barman named Ross. After a srting of dates with Reg Varney lookalikes, and some Stan's too, Linda met up with a childhood sweetheart Richard, and in 2016 they sealed their love by getting married, and now live in Brasted with a caterpiller called Roger, and a hamster called Ronnie. Linda now writes for the daily mail, but they keep rejecting her articles. So she writes these love tips for us now, much enjoyed by our readers. Thanks.

Welcome to the page that will change the way you read signals you think you are getting from a traffic light.

Sure, I've got a loud laugh..maybe I've always had to laugh loudest to let everyone know that no man will ever laugh louder

in the end, than me. Sure I've taken the knocks. You can see the state of my Metatarsal, and there was that time I fell over on my Wedding night. But I get back up, dust myself off, and go straight to A& E.


Do I have any regrets? Yes I've done things in the past I'm not particularly proud of. What woman who's never told a lie about telling the lie before the truth once too often? I know I have. What has life taught me in 38 years (? please correct accordingly. Ed.) be honest with yourself, but not HMRC. You want to know something I've never told anyone? You want the real deep stuff? OK, here's a hard hitter, and yes, I'm ashamed of myself for what I did.

I once made an advert with Olive from On the Buses. I know,

I know, but I was desperately in love with Reg Varney at the time, and this seemed like the only way to be near him. We all have to live with the consequences of what we've done. I was in a bad place, actually, it was the old Co-Op in the Balls Pond Road, and they pounced on me with a packet of Daz, and Anna (Olive) was already there in costume.


Will I ever change? Only if the burnt orange doesn't match my shoes, or someone else is wearing the same dress as me. What ever life throws at you, always remember one thing. A big bowl of jellied eels makes a great liquid hat for a man who's been playing away, and you can never have enough Roses.

I once when out with a guy who was brilliant in the bedroom department. my girlfriends were always asking me what it was like. I said it was a bit of a come down when they moved him to carpets, where he was just the under manager.

When was the last time I really cried? When they cancelled On the Buses..I knew I would never see Reg again.


From her Fabulous forthcoming Autobiography,'Why the last laugh is always the loudest' out soon!