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Saturday, 18 February 2017 16:48

`HOME THOUGHTS FROM EASTBOURNE - JOE BLOGS!


My Second Year at Uni, by Stanhope Joe

Hi y’all at home! Im pleased and flattered that everyone back there at The Stanhope asks after me, how Im doing, and even who Im doing,

so, Im going to blow the lid right off Uni life, dont forget you read it here first Im going to tell you exactly how it is. Truth is Ive never seen such carnage, 

oddities, and human flesh in one place. My first year was a bit dull, but boy, year two was where you get your sea legs.The whole experience is 

completely different to normal life and if anyone tells you different they are lying! It’s an incredible experience and you can never fully understand 

it unless you have been or go to university, or been to a brothel that never calls time that has demonic suggestions whispering to you in the toilets 

and has little or no regard for you getting to a lecture on time. It's been the ruin of many a poor boy, the house of the rising sun? Forget it, 

this is the town that never sleeps.


A pub (or bar I’m not too sure) near my place of residence is called Buffalo, but it also has its fair share of Mooses.

I’ve never been in there actually… because quite frankly it scares me to death it looks so strange! It looks like it’s a kind of heavy metal Hacienda 

where you need to love screamo music, and well...you know how slight I am in stature I don’t fancy myself in that sort of environment, let alone any 

of the girls. Oh well, maybe next year.The local Weatherspoon’s consumes a fair amount of money from us students, and we consume a fair bit of 

what they have to offer. Quite small for a spoons, and quite small to spoon in, but we’ve learnt that  spiced rum and coke is only £1.99! Absolute bargain!! 


We've got a friend that never stops smiling. No matter what his mood is or what the situation is he will always be smiling. He recently 

had the wing mirror on his car smashed off, but telling the story and explaining how angry and annoyed he was he still had a smile on his face.

Bit like The Joker, but without the smeared lipstick. When we were getting the team photo done for football we agreed “game faces” so no one 

is smiling in the picture but of course, this one guy is the only guy that was smiling. “It is my game face” he’d say. Some of the girls say he’s 

always smiling because he’s gifted in the downstairs department. I just thought that meant he regularly got a free can of coke from the milf 

who worked in the basement cafe.


We have a lecturer who ALWAYS wears a plain pink jumper and grey suit trousers, grey hair and always red in the face. Has one leg slightly shorter 

than the other so walks with a funny hobble. BUT is an absolute legend. He doesn’t really give a shit, thinks everything is a joke. In an hour lecture 

he will say the word “Fundamentally” at least 50 times. At any opportunity will take the piss out of someone or something. (Example; we had a 9am

lecture, someone was sick in the lecture (obviously been out the night before) just starts taking the piss out of him. He leaves to go toilet, comes back 

and says something along the lines of “have you finished interrupting me and inquired as to if he’d be staying for the rest of the lecture or taking his sick 

elsewhere”) (Example 2: Cameo nightclub is the place EVERYONE who is anyone goes on a Wednesday night, meaning his Thursday 9.00am lectures 

are quite bare.. so he loves calling people out, telling them it looks like they are still in cameo from the night before, or how we’d all much rather still 

be in Cameo. Word up.


Till next time.


Joe x